I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
