i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
