dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
