Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
