ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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