like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
