How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
