I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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