P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
