OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
