Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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