peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
