are you so shy because you have an std?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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