I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
