Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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