Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
