he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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