hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
