my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
