I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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