i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
