This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
