Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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