just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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