Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
