if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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