im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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