I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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