I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
