I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
