Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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