did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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