So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
