You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
