***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
