Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
