Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
