I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
