Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
