Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
handjob tips. give me some.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
