a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
