Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
