Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
