so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
