She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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