So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
