Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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