Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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