Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
