Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
