Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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