In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
