so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
