she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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