Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
