fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
