The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
