Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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