Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
