Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
