I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
