I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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