Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
