The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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